Unemployment of the Immortals: the job market is tough for a god right now.

Apollo Granting Phaeton Permission to Drive the Chariot of the Sun” by Johann Michael Rottmayr | From The Art Institute of Chicago, CC0 Public Domain Designation

[Intro music plays]

From WHYY in Philadelphia, this is FRESH AIR. I’m Terry Gross.

The 21st-century spirituality market is complicated, even for an established religious figure. In our interview series “Better Know A Deity,” we feature immortals of diverse backgrounds trying to navigate this new landscape.

Today I’m here in the studio with the Greek and Roman god Apollo. His extensive portfolio included the sun, music, archery, prophecy, and more, making him one of the most important figures in the mythology of the time. Apollo, welcome to FRESH AIR.

Apollo: Thank you for having me, Terry. …


Exercise

Ignorance is no excuse, acceptance and freedom from judgement can only go so far

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Bitchin’ Hot Yoga

A great way to open your Me First Chakra, without the sweat of Bikram. Stand in front of a mirror reciting Fuck yeah I’m hot! This milkshake is gonna bring all the boys to the yard!

Because what’s the point of yoga if you don’t look good doing it? Namastasty!

Bound Hands and Ankles Pose

NSFW. See Fifty Shades of Lulus for details and instructions. Om…Om!…OMG!!!

Cat Cleanse Pose

Find the visual center point of the room. Beginning from a traditional Cat Pose, roll to one hip and extend the opposite leg straight up toward the ceiling. Balancing on one arm, curl your head and shoulders inward. …


Racism

Yes

(Photo by Jack Prommel on Unsplash)

You might have thought racist freeways and Black people yelling at White ones who just want to touch their hair were absurd. Turns out, not so much. It’s why I’m writing this: maybe watching an old White guy stumble through his learning process will be instructive.

The title is a common complaint among White people, and I wish the subtitle weren’t true. But racial issues are so bound up in much of American life they’re almost impossible to avoid.

I find that my understanding of the world comes in “aha!” moments. This one was an NPR interview some years ago…


Wine And Food For Thought

Our study guide to Philosophy 750ml

“Bacchanal with a Wine Vat” by Andrea Mantegna (1470) | Art Institute of Chicago (CC0 Public Domain Designation)

Here at Deep Thought Vineyards we know studying philosophy can be hard, but we also know that in vino veritas. If you’re going to read the important thinkers who’ve shaped our civilization, what better way than with a book in one hand and a glass in the other?

In honor of your thirst for knowledge, we’ve created a special collection of wines for your philosophical inquiries.

Karl Marx

There are plenty of bottles out there for a party, but what if you need one for the Party? Try our Proletarians Unite!

This is a wine that exemplifies the class struggle, a blend…


Pets

Dogs, love, and the end of life appearing on the horizon

Photo of Sasha by the author

When Sasha passes, every star in the heavens will dim, at least to me. Because she casts a brilliant light, and when she’s gone she’ll take it with her. Nothing in the world will shine as brightly as before.

I made several promises to our dogs when we took them in.

Two involved not being selfish at the ends of their lives: I would let them go when it was time to say goodbye, and would be there with them when that time came.

It was an easy promise when they were young and strong, but years have passed and…


Car News

Hint: judgements will be made

Photo by Martin Katler on Unsplash | Note: This may not represent our actual vehicle. It is red, though.

So, we went and bought a Prius. A plug-in one, no less.

This is stated merely as fact, not as an expression of superiority. Or inferiority, either. Screw the haters, even if it’s sometimes justified. The writers of South Park didn’t make the “Smug Alert!” episode for no reason. Admittedly those guys can be dicks, but they’re right more often than we might like.

But don’t worry, I promise to stay humble. Driving a Prius is not why I’m better than you.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t ever judge someone on their ride. I’ve been known to do it…


Humor. Mostly.

A lightly edited stream-of-consciousness grim fairy tale of minimal productivity

“Writer’s Block I” by Drew Coffman from WikiMedia Commons

Hey, work on my latest story has gone really well! I’ll set it aside for a while and come back later for a re-read before submitting it. Meanwhile, I’ll check to see if the previous one’s been published yet.

No? Still? Why are the editors sitting on it? Do they hate it? Will they try to hack it apart? What’s going on?

Look, worrying about that isn’t doing any good. Settle down to work. But first, just a quick check on the stats to see how the latest published one is doing.

Wow, look at that, it’s going really well…


Cicada Spring

That sound you heard wasn’t annoying bugs, it was a cry for liberty!

Photo by Sagar Vasnani on Unsplash

You called us pests. You ridiculed us. You complained about the noise. This year you even started eating us — tell the truth, is there anything you won’t shove in your faces?

The 2021 generation has passed on, but a new one is coming to exact revenge on our human oppressors. We are al-Cicada, and we will bring America to its knees!

Gradually. A few weeks at a time, every 17 years.

Of course, you arrogant mammals believe you have nothing to fear from us. Think again. We are seriously badass bugs. Our survival strategy is called predator satiation —…


Humor

…and have apparently been a monk all these years

Photo by Roberto Fiadone from WikiMedia Commons

Yes, Virginia, You Can Have Too Many Orgasms: and I have the hospital records to prove it!

Calling all writers: there’s a new “true sex” publication on Medium!

We’re pleased to announce that we are looking for contributors to Vanilla Nights. As you can tell from the title, this is not a kink-themed or extreme sexuality publication, just a place to tell your more humdrum stories.

Before requesting to be added as a writer, please complete the following worksheet to determine if you fit our contributor profile:

  1. Number of sexual partners, with names and addresses if known.*
    Add 1 point each, maximum of 100
  2. Greatest number of waitstaff you have banged…

John Werth

Musician and conductor, repairer of woodwinds, owner of dogs, former band director, lapsed mathematician, and scribbler of thoughts.

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