They didn’t like having her here in the first place — I have a joke suggestion for Republicans: Q: What do you call a liberal Black lesbian in prison? A: A good start! If you haven’t been following the news, you should research the story of Brittney Griner. She’s a professional basketball star arrested in Russia for smuggling cannabis oil. It…

Put down the Bible and back away — “Think with your big head for once!” According to The Audubon Field Guide to North American Females, experts refer to the above as an anti-mating call. But let’s be honest — the littler one is awfully persuasive. …

They keep telling us not to, but we don’t listen — I believe the Golden Rule is the secret to fixing 21st-century America. This may be a surprise coming from a cynical misanthrope who thinks global warming and COVID are the Earth’s immune system trying to fight off her infestation of humans. It’s just that I’ve come up with a different…

We must strike a balance between left and right — Note: I’d like to thank various Medium writers for inspiration, though the names are omitted to protect the innocent. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Rational Center, and today’s topic is the overheated rhetoric around Roe v. Wade. Yes, to the nonobjective mind it may look like abolishing…

Does this thing come with instructions? — I have questions about sex. Not about the basics: mommy and daddy give each other a special hug. Mommy gets fat, but anyone using the word “fat” will die. Then a stork brings the baby. All that is pretty clear. Where I could use some help is female orgasms. The…

A modest proposal — From the Office of President Pious I, for immediate release. My Fellow Sheep, Leaders of the Senate and House of God’s Representatives, together with advisors from the Whitest House, are proud to have passed a law to better protect the innocent. Unborn is unseen, so the measure creates the Bureau…

New product ideas for someone who could use the help — If you watch enough late-night TV, you’ve probably seen Mike Lindell. He’s the Trump-obsessed inventor of the world’s finest shredded foam headrest and America’s holiest sleep accessories monger. Well, you might not have seen as much of him lately, though he’s still a regular on Fox News, the “faith and…

Banning abortion barely scratches the surface — For all the noise surrounding fetal personhood and whether life begins at conception, “pro-life” advocates rarely mention consequences beyond abortion. It’s not clear they’ve thought it through. But that’s not good enough. Defining an unborn child as a person in its own right will fundamentally alter the relationship between a…

When the girls play dead to avoid you, it’s time to re-think your behavior — An article caught my attention this morning. It’s about what scientists call sexual death feigning — faking your own death to avoid mating. Why Female Dragonflies Go to Extreme Lengths to Avoid Sex They fake their own deaths.www.nationalgeographic.com Looking back over my own mating history, I wondered if this tactic is ever used by humans. It could explain some female behaviors I’ve experienced. …