Everybody has “standards,” the question is what to do if nobody meets them. You can look at a wider pool or stay alone. In a sense, there is no involuntary celibacy. There’s someone out there who would sleep with you. You just haven’t looked hard enough.

My theory is that men forget that we live in different worlds.

Any halfway attractive woman can get f*cked any time she wants. Desirée from accounting is at her desk right now instead of in the storeroom bent over a case of toner cartridges strictly as a matter of preference. Even a conventionally unattractive woman can find someone if she wants to.

Therefore, women can be more selective, so men swim in a shallower pool. That’s life — supply and demand. That means it’s more challenging work for us, but there’s someone.

Face it, Sparky — if you’re a 5 on the desirability meter, enforced monogamy is going to get you a 5.

So be a good person. Learn to listen. Learn to dance. Don’t laugh at her taste in movies, figure out a way to like them, too. Support her in her job. Find her clitoris and figure out how it works. Next thing you know, you’re working your way up the ladder.