If there’s any misunderstanding, it’s based on how you fail to point out a balanced sense of reciprocity. Every time the chance to do so pops up, you double down on how much effort women require from men.
Historically, marriage has always favored men, so women have had the short end of the reciprocity stick. Now they’re asking for more equality, and men are having a fit. We haven’t treated them well, they want more, we have to adapt or go without. It’s not that complicated.
“Also, another person’s happiness is never within your hands. Chronically unhappy people seek it from others, and the insistence you’re giving this point shows a lack of self awareness. YOU are in charge of YOUR happiness.”
But other people can be in charge of your unhappiness — and marrying poorly makes it easy to be unhappy.
“This is the root cause of relationships failing these days. Wives who think their husbands owe them happiness are impossible to please or live with. Husbands who think they owe their wives happiness are perpetually anxious.”
I’m not advocating that. If you want to rewrite it, “I believe you owe your spouse the best you have to give. If you can do something that adds to their happiness, do it. If there’s something you can do that adds to their unhappiness, don’t do it.”
“This is a poison for marriage. You’re ironically advocating for the preservation of what’s killing marriages,”
I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but women haven’t been happy with the institution of marriage for a long time. Men just haven’t been listening. Now men are losing their leverage, and women are less willing to put up with our shit.
For example: you have to be a friend and confidante, so make sure she can trust you; do not abuse her in any way; don’t drink or gamble away the family finances; keep your pants on around other women; don’t play king of the castle if that’s not her deal. Learn to care for the house and children, and do your fair share. (Teachers will tell you they rarely meet fathers, it’s mom who has to handle everything.)
These are the kinds of things men used to get away with. Now, not so much. She has wants and needs, and you must provide them or find someone else.
“for men to get s shot at access to marriage.”
As far as I can tell, the men without access to marriage appear to have mostly done it to themselves. Women don’t have to marry anymore, so they need good reasons to want to.
And that’s the answer: if you want access to marriage, you must find someone who wants what you have to offer. Why would she marry you otherwise?
Guys seem to be shooting themselves in the foot. Young women tend to be more liberal, so conservative guys may struggle. They tend to be pro-choice, so anti-abortion guys may struggle. There’s a shortage of “tradwives,” so guys who want one will have a lot of competition. Guys tend to focus on attractive women, but there are only so many of those. I encounter unattractive men who scoff at the notion of dating unattractive women — but most people aren’t above average. Beauty is skin deep, find a partner who is beautiful in the ways that matter.
The world’s a-changin’, and males who do not adapt will fall by the wayside. That’s how nature works, and Homo sapiens are just animals underneath.
